I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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