Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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