It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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