So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
