If that was your dad, he is hot
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
