He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
