Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
