I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
