We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
