Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
