This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
