FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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