Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
