apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
