Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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