I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
