Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
