so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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