I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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