All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
