You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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