forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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