So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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