im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your penis caused this!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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