having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize