I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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