sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
