Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
