I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
