White coat. Heels.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
