I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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