Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
