the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
