He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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