Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
