Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
