did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
