someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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