New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
