We won't sleep together?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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