Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
