I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
