pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
