i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
