imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
