The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
