Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
