i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
