Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
