I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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