I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
