So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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