I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize