She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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