you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
