If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
