but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
