do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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