I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
