it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
