ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
