Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
