You're my little dorito
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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