Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
