So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
