do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
