Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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