I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
