dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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