the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
