The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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