I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
