I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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