Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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