dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
