Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
