Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
