I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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