I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
