definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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