I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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