i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
