I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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