Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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