I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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