it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
