And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
