will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
