I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
