do herpes really smell.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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