Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
