Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
