Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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