why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
