Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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