Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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