big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
