Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
