I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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