Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
