Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We need to get me chipped asap
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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