i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
