I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
