I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
