I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
