Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize