This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
