State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize