I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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