I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
