It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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