a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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