Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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