we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize