I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
