Cold hands, warm shart.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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